My Dad wasn't a Super Hero... but he was a helluva Father
/Being a dad isn’t easy. In my nearly 25 years of Fatherhood, I’ve learned a lot about the kind of man I am, and the kind of men I want my three incredible sons to become.
With Father’s Day around the corner, it felt like a good time to write about my own Father. He inspired me in so many ways – including lessons that have stuck with me for decades. But I also learned so much from him when he wasn’t trying to teach me a lesson.
One of my core beliefs is that we learn so much from the stories of others. Sure we learn best from the school of hard knocks, but hearing about what others have gone through can help prevent us from making the same mistakes. Especially when others are willing to share their “gory” stories and not just their “glory” stories.
My Dad, Bob Wilkin, taught me and my brothers and sister through both his gory and his glory stories. I must say – I may not have always appreciated him growing up – but he was a hell of a dad. With the help of my sister, Kari Wilkin Spencer, and my nephew, Evan Spencer, in the following pages we’ve captured just a few of the lessons he taught us.
Experience Everything
My Dad was a perfect example of a “Renaissance Man.” He just loved to experience things and share them with others – especially his kids. Of course we couldn’t stop ourselves from rolling our eyes as we stopped on the side of a country road to check out a farmer’s cotton crop (and maybe pick a few bolls… for the experience!). Any trip we went on, Dad would not only show dozens of plants, up close and personal, but he would also bring several of them back with us to see if he could grow it at home.
Me and Dad on the Subway in NYC, so we could say we had done it!
But he didn’t just make me and my siblings do things we weren’t all that interested in at the time. My dad was always down to do things that we wanted to do. For example, I remember many times we would be playing in some ice-cold mountain stream or waterfall, and all of the other parents were sitting on the sidelines. They were warm and dry, and a bit annoyed by the frequent splashes. My Dad? He was the first to jump in and splash around with us!
His love of experiencing life with those around him had a huge impact on all of us. Even if we rolled our eyes at the time, knowing that our Dad was in on it with us was the coolest feeling.
Ahead of His Time
When it came to working traditional jobs, Dad struggled a lot. He was highly educated (undergrad in engineering from Auburn and MBA from Penn’s Wharton School), but he couldn’t keep his focus in one place, really struggled to hold himself and others accountable to deadlines, and… well I think maybe he just couldn’t get to work on time! (Dad was always a night owl – even in his later years he’d stay up until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning!)
As I reflected on how he bounced between traditional day jobs and various attempts at entrepreneurship, I noticed a pattern: Dad was ahead of his time. After the houseboat manufacturing company he bought to try to rescue went under, he made local news in construction by building “South Arkansas’ Only Energy Saving Home”.
The house had state-of-the-art thermostats, thicker insulation, metal doors with foam insulation inside, vented attic to prevent strain on the A/C unit, double paned windows, and more bells and whistles that provided energy efficiency and “eco-friendly” features… in 1976!
Ultimately, my dad succeeded in this venture and all houses now have the features I listed above, and we’re trillionaires!
Just kidding. I don’t actually know the full story of what happened with the “Energy Saving Homes”, but suffice it to say that a couple of years later we had moved from Arkansas to Southern Louisiana so he could pursue another traditional day job.
It wasn’t just in business that Dad was ahead of his time. As a teenager in the mid 1980s, I vividly remember him having me try some strange concoction he was fermenting in the back of the refrigerator. I was grossed out at the time – and now I buy this concoction on the regular. He was home brewing kombucha! Who the hell home brews their own kombucha?!? Especially in the 1980s!
The Power of Connection
Dad was the kind of guy who never met a stranger. His love of life and experience led him to strike up a conversation wherever he went. At Dad’s funeral, my nephew told a really powerful story about his ability to connect with people:
When I was 8 years old, I went with Grandma and Grandad to his 50th High School Reunion in Brinkley, Arkansas. On the way, we stopped at a rest area out in the middle of nowhere on the Arkansas-Louisiana border.
After Grandma and I used the restrooms, we started looking for Grandad… and where was he but chatting with the nice woman at the counter. “Oh no” we both thought… Not two minutes after meeting, they were deep in conversation about a football game between Brinkley and some rival team… from FIFTY years ago. As it turned out, the woman’s husband had played for the other team!
As Grandma and I threatened to leave him at the rest area, the woman insisted that Grandad call her husband to chat on the phone. They reminisced about the game, the big bonfire afterwards, and how Jimmy so-and-so had broken his leg (did that heal okay?).
My Dad never met anyone he couldn’t connect with. And while I’m not exactly the type to strike up a conversation everywhere I go, I definitely have him to thank for my skills as a “connector of people, dots, and ideas.”
Dad with evan - Music was a huge part of dad’s life!
How NOT to be an entrepreneur
As I mentioned before, my Dad struggled as an entrepreneur. While I didn’t know it at the time, observing as a kid, I think I understand now why he could never seem to get over the hump.
The Importance of Finding Your Best Use
There are pros and cons to being a “Renaissance Man” who loved to understand everything, do everything, and take everything on himself. I don’t think he truly understood his gifts…his special and unique skills. For example, I believe he had amazing talents for connecting with people, and some pretty strong visionary skills. And I’m not sure he ever fully understood that he absolutely sucked at follow through and keeping himself on task.
These are skills that I also lack! But the lesson I learned from my Dad is that if you try to do everything yourself – if you try to force yourself to do the things you aren’t good at doing… you’re not likely to succeed! You’re fighting with one hand behind your back. You have to find your “highest and best use.” Even outside of business, his interest in EVERYTHING made him unproductive when it mattered most.
One example of this is that later in his life, my Dad owned quite a few rental properties. He turned it into a pretty successful business for himself (more successful than any of his previous businesses). But after Hurricane Katrina flooded several of his properties, he insisted on gutting them… himself. He had a little help, but most of the dirty, mucky job he took on himself. Mind you, this is a man in his 70s! Surely he could’ve been better served managing the business and hiring someone else to handle the dirty work on site.
Holding People Accountable
My Dad was so nice to people. This gave him the incredible ability to connect with people everywhere he went… but it also allowed people to take advantage of him. Business partners, employees – hell, even his own kids at times! Anyone who wanted to take advantage of Dad could, because he couldn’t see the bad side of anyone.
This is another trait I inherited from him – I always say that I suck at hiring because I want to like everyone! But what I learned is that I need people around me I trust – someone who can hold people accountable. I don’t think you can’t be successful otherwise!
Dad with Luke, my oldest
NEVER Quit
Entrepreneurs need grit, determination, and sheer power of will, to make it happen. And while my Dad may not have “made it” in a traditional sense, he had these traits and taught them to us through his actions.
After his eco-construction business didn’t pan out, we moved to Louisiana for a job that Dad promptly lost! But did he wallow or run back to Arkansas? No! He got back on his feet and did whatever he could to support his family. He started selling encyclopedias door-to-door for goodness sakes! Looking back, I respect the hell out of him for doing this.
My Dad wasn’t a Super Hero… but
When Dad taught us how to swim, he used the classic “just come to me, I’ll catch you.” As he slowly backed away, we panicked a bit… “But Dad! You said you’d catch me!!” It took us a minute to realize that we had just swum all the way across the pool!
Dad wanted us to figure things out on our own… but he was always there to catch us if we fell. When I needed guidance from him after the dot com burst in the early 2000s… he was right there for me. When I needed career advice as an average college graduate with few prospects, or advice as a fledgling entrepreneur, he was right there for me.
That’s the kind of father I’ve always aspired to be. And it’s not the easiest thing to do – to let your kids experience things on their own, fail on their own, without judgment or input. But it’s made a huge impact on all of my father’s kids.
Dad with my youngest, Bennett
While my father wasn’t the best entrepreneur, the lessons he taught us (intentionally and by example) created two entrepreneurs: me and my brother Rolf.
When Rolf got the opportunity to buy a failing pizza business, Mom and Dad believed in him and loaned him most of the money he needed to get started.
Even when he didn’t fully understand the nuances of the business I founded in 2001, he was there to love and support me throughout my journey. I giggle every time I think about a story of childhood friend of his relayed to me after Dad’s passing in 2009. Our last trip together was to Tijuana for some alternative treatment for the cancer that had spread throughout his body. I happened to be planning a YPO event at a swanky hotel in the San Diego area, so I decided to double dip and swing by the hotel to check it out on the way to Tijuana. Of course I brought my wheelchair-bound dad with me. Well – since they were trying schmooze me and close the deal on a large-scale event, they decided it was in their best interest to wine and dine him, as well. I don’t think he’d ever been treated so lavishly in his life than he was by the Hotel del Coronado staff! According to his childhood friend at Dad’s funeral, after he told his friend about the over-the-top treatment he received by the hotel staff – he added the following tidbit, “I don’t know what my son does… but I sure hope it’s legal!”
Father’s Day 2025
This Father’s Day, let’s celebrate the lessons we’ve learned from the Dads in our lives. Here’s to you Dad! Thank you for the lessons you intentionally and patiently taught me – crafted from well-earned wisdom and years of experience. And thank you for the other lessons you taught me – the accidental ones where you didn’t know I was watching – or the lessons learned from the stories of your successes and failures. Your legacy lives on through me and the countless people you impacted along the way!
In loving memory of my Dad – Charles Robert (Bob) Wilkin, Jr!
